What We Crave: The unspoken longings…
There was a time when I believed all my deepest longings would be met in one place. One man, one relationship, one promise to stay - my own living, breathing Prince Charming.
I grew up like so many of us did: spoon-fed Disney fairytales, fed on the fantasy that if I was good enough, pretty enough, patient enough, one day a man would come along and choose me - fully, forever. And maybe a part of me still clings to that dream.
….Maybe that’s why writing this feels so edgy to share.
Because that fairytale has never been my reality. Not in my family, not in my love life. I don’t know what it’s like to be fully loved by my father - not because he’s cruel, but because he’s afraid. And I see how I’ve kept trying to find him in other men. The safe father, the unwavering partner, the man who would hold it all so I could finally lay it down.
And yet my life keeps showing me: sometimes our deepest, truest needs need more than one container to breathe in. Sometimes our hunger is bigger than what one person can carry alone, not because we’re broken, but because we’re human.
I’ve been thinking about this since 2020, when I crawled out of a dark, traumatic experience. At that time, trust felt impossible, especially trust in men. But life has a way of surprising you. For me, that surprise looked like Shibari.
I found myself tied, literally, by a man who was not my lover, who was safely married, who held me in rope with no agenda but presence. Nothing hidden, nothing stolen. It wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t even inherently sexual. It was about the feeling of being safe, seen, bound yet free to let go. It made me wonder: How many of our needs have we locked away behind “shoulds” and “should nots”?
Curious, I asked other women what they crave from the masculine - or from men in general. Here’s some of what they told me, in their own words:
“Trust. Emotional safety. Security. I love a man who is a true man and just allows my full trueness of a woman.”
“Safety, support, protection.”
“Just to be seen, held, and supported in true feminine expression in all its dimensions.”
“I want men to make decisions! Not leave everything up to the woman/mother to organise!”
One woman shared something that stays with me: “Weirdly enough, preemptive nurture and care. It feels so masculine to me — like being held before I even know I need holding. Maybe because I was never looked after as a child, it feels wildly new for me.”
Reading all these voices, I notice the same pulse running through them: a longing for the masculine to feel safe, solid, attentive. A place where a woman can soften into her full truth without having to hold it all alone. Underneath it all, it feels like one word: trust.
I asked men too. Their words felt just as raw:
“Trust. I’ve been misunderstood a lot. Trusting that however I might be approaching something, regardless of what it may be, is done with good intentions.”
“As a man, what I crave most from the feminine is to feel genuinely wanted and appreciated not just needed. I want to be the destination, not just a step on the path.”
“There’s something incredibly affirming in knowing my presence matters, not just for what I do, but for who I am at my core.”
“To actually be heard, not just listened to.”
“More sexual exploration and desire.”
Reading these men’s words, I hear a tender thread too. A craving to be trusted, deeply wanted, truly seen - not just for what they do, but for who they are when they lay it all down. It’s like they’re saying: See me, choose me, desire me, for me.
And maybe it’s safe to say: men and women want the same thing.
✨ Women want safety to soften.
✨ Men want to be trusted enough to be.
✨ Both want trust and true seeing, just in mirrored ways.
And of course, there’s so much nuance unspoken here, but purely from these voices, this is the thrum I hear underneath it all.
It makes me wonder: If we’re all craving the same root things. Trust, safety, to be seen and held in our rawness. Why do we expect one lover, one promise, to hold all of it alone?
What if some of these longings don’t belong only to romance or sex at all?
What if they could be met, carefully, consciously, in spaces we build on purpose? Outside of dating. Outside the usual boxes. Just humans being brave enough to say: “I need this. Would you meet me here?”
Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about the kinds of spaces we might build if we let ourselves be this honest…
For me, it’s not just about trust and safety in Eros - it’s also about rage, grief, visibility, power. There’s a vision I haven’t yet made real: a space where a woman like me could thrash, growl, scream, weep, in the safe presence of the masculine. Like a little girl pounding her father’s chest while he stays unmoving, solid, unafraid. Not fighting back, not leaving. Just there. Until all that fight softens into tears, then softens again into a deep surrender. Not because the rage is wrong, but because it deserves to be held.
In another time, another ache: the longing to be seen. For me, that came alive through nude modelling. I loved standing bare before photographers with no demand to seduce, no need to perform. Just my body, witnessed, honoured, unclaimed. It made me feel powerful, sovereign in my own skin.
I don’t know if these longings will ever be fully met - maybe they’re not meant to be. But I know they’re real. And I know I’m not the only one carrying them quietly.
So maybe this isn’t about me at all. Maybe it’s about you. About the small girl or boy inside you who still wants something they were told they couldn’t have.
What if you let them speak? What if you let them dream - wildly, unreasonably? Maybe your longing is quiet. Maybe it’s kinky. Maybe it’s tender or unspeakable. What if you didn’t shame it? What if you just listened?
I don’t know the answers. I’m just here asking with you. But I know our cravings don’t disappear just because we hide them.
So here’s something to wonder about, if you want:
✨ If your little girl or boy could ask for anything… what would they ask for?
✨ And what tiny step could you take to listen - just a little more honestly this time?
I’d love to hear: What do you crave, truly?
And maybe, just maybe we can co-create containers or experiences to get these needs, longings and desires met in healthy and conscious ways? Within or outside of our intimate relationships….
Thank you for reading this piece of my truth. For meeting me here, raw and halfway to my own Prince Charming story, but still open to what else could be possible when we stop pretending we don’t need each other.
With all my humanness,
Aaria 🌙
P.S. If you want to stay close to these kinds of honest wonderings, you’re always welcome here. Subscribe, comment, share your longings - this space is for us. Come whisper it in the comments if you’re brave enough.