The Politics of Being Seen
PART ONE
This conversation keeps resurfacing in my life because I teach and speak about embodiment, pleasure, sensuality, desire and women’s sexuality. I also happen to be someone who genuinely loves beauty, tattoos, aesthetics, eroticism and feeling good in my body. I’ve done nude modelling in the past. I post sensual photos online sometimes. I love femininity. I love feeling attractive. And yet, no matter how nuanced the conversation becomes, I still repeatedly encounter this belief that if a woman publicly shares sensual or sexy images of herself, she must ultimately be doing it for male validation.
What fascinates me is how quickly people assume they know a woman’s inner world simply by looking at her image.
Often men will tell me that posting sensual photos is disrespectful to a relationship because it invites other men to sexualise their partner. They’ll say that a woman’s body should remain private or exclusive, and that if other men can see her in that way, it somehow makes the relationship less sacred or less special. Some men will insist that women who say they post these photos for themselves are simply lying to themselves. That underneath all the language around empowerment, embodiment, confidence or self-expression is really just a craving for attention.
And honestly, I think this is where many women feel profoundly misunderstood.
Because while yes, human beings absolutely seek validation sometimes, I don’t believe that automatically invalidates every expression of beauty or sensuality.
We are relational creatures. We all enjoy being seen, admired, appreciated, desired,